the ups and downs

In life there are ups and downs. People who make you feel like you fly high and then there are also the people who shoot you right down. There are times that people and things like this make me so angry!
Today I was so happy,I don't even know why. WEnt to my classes happy and did my work in a happy manner. Once first block ended and i made my way to home room I found out that I was awarded the most artistic at our school! I was so happy. I felt like I was walking on clouds,I hoped that this euphoric feeling wouldn't end-! but it did.
[now mind you I'm changing names because its easier and I dont want people to know whose who]
Walking with my close friend L,he said something that made me do a double take.(he's a very innocent and nice guy never says any cuss words) He and I were talking about the award,I wasso happy not only for myself but also for my friend Robin,she got the 'Most unforgettable award' L mumbled something and I turned my head and asked what he said. "I said that Ako and Jav are douches." I blinked gasped and dragged him to find Robin. I knew it must have been something really serious for L to call someone out of thier name. Oncewe found Robin or other friends were there: Koh and Sash. I told them and they wer eamazed. But eventually we got to the point of the conversation and I asked why he said those words about Ako and Jav. [Ako and Jav have had our ups and downs,and there are certain things that I do not like about them yet I do my best not to call them out of thier name.] "They talked behind your back,when you were given the award both Ako and Jav Commented. Ako saying you draw the same thing and Jav added to the comment." Sash talked about how she'd bitch out Jav but I was just sick and tired of thier shit. I haven't said anything yet but I feel a bit hurt...

THank you life for giving me a bad high yet again!

Its going down the crapper people

the economy, the lives of others, love, smiling, everything.

School, friends, life, living.

People can feel that crunch and we the next generation can see it, everywhere. Life at home is hard. we are loosing our homes. WE cannot live the quality of life that we wanted to! That American dream doesn't exist anymore.

Good education? HAH! WE the teens do what we can,and I am talking about the ones who do not get hundreds of dollars and blow it off on shoes or brand names!

High paying job? YEA RIGHT! if you can even get a job your lucky.

Bountiful food? hell no

I'll show you mine

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours first,lets compare scars and I'll telll you whose is worse." (swing life away by Rise against)

I've come across this thought in my head that everyone on earth hurts for what ever thier reasons are. Starvation,homelessness,depression,not getting that guy or girl,or not being able to have that courage to do something you really wish you can/could do.

Everyone hurts and then everyone one or someone bitch,moans and complains about it. Everyone else's hurt is more important then your own,oryour own is more important then everyone else's.

its only a monday and I'm not looking forward to the week...

RIght now I'm sitting in the computer lab at school,typing to no readers or anyone...DOES ANYOONE EVEN BOTHER LOOKING?!

HELLO HELLO HELLO!!!!

...simple minded bastards...

is there anyone out there who even bothers reading the trash,yes I call my own writing trash because I am not a writer,that I write? DOes anyone care about opinion?

see? everyone hurts...

For the first time in a long time I felt scared

but it was not for my own life...it was for someone I cared so deeply about that,right now at thios point,I feel like I would die without them. They've been unable to sleep and eat,thier body rejecting food. that dead chill that ran through the air,I wold not want to feel it again. I dont want it to take this person I care so deeply about away from me.
'it's fine...' he says.
My mind screams,"he only says that when things are not fine!!!"
I ask others for help on what to do cause I can feel myself panicing...
'he'll be ok...'
'he's not you'
'I'm sorry I can't handle this...'
'Please helpme understand....'

If anything happens to him I'll hate the world...
I'll...be unable to say those three words....
please don't leave me...

Delicious Humming to no-one

I've dated some people and had crushes on many

the time I spent with them felt like I dated more and fallen for numerous amounts

each was different,I was sitting in front of my laptop when I thought about all of them(ok not all but the ones I remeber) to now so I typed it down. [I have given them surnames for the sake of people not knowing.If you know me and who they are,go ahead and ask away.]

Chance- first crush, nothing much,last name was after Ketchup

Icy eyes- so handsome,became friends but wished for one kiss,rockstar

The cast-two years of my life wasted on this thing,I have scars from you cause I fought back

Turtle- like a shadow that made me feel like im drowning in luke warm water

INari- best friends,loads of laughing,crushed on for 4 years

Biggy-loving,attentive,hated it,stayed away from others

the Jock-nice body but horrible personality,NEVER AGAIN

string-bean - everlistening guy so sweet,couldnt tell you

Angel- Saves me from myself,I've fallen for you and you returned those feelings,lifted me up and dropped me thousands of feet in the air noth bothering to catch me as I fell.

Giraffe - 4 years of nothing but friendship and how its confusing.

Superman- passionate,just not the right time

I am

I am an item trained to think and feel with other want

but I am not my own being

I can not know what I want nor think about my feeling

I am not free yet