If you have problem why don't you solve them?I know I can'

I know I can't. There are a many situations in life that bug me. Many a people who bother the shit out of me. Places that rattle the very fiber of my being. But why do I let that bother me? Because I am a person who still has a heart you shit heads! Yea that's right any of you who are reading this know who I'm talking about! It feels as if no matter what I do,there are times people set me up just to get knocked down.

What am I not cool enough to hang out with you on the week ends? Do I not act a certain way so it pertains to your agenda? Do I not care enough to be that shoulder you can cry on?

Apparently not.

I don't like dressing like the other kiddies at school. I don't like the same music as all of you do. I don't eat the same foods nor share al the same ideas. And when I speak up,I get ignored.

Like always.

All I can say is 'FUCK YOU!' to the people to their face or as they turn away.

Its because of how they blow me off so concerned about their lives makes me think that I'm a shitty friend.

Pondering

Pondering
pondering about lunch
pondering about if lunch will be good...
Pondering about what ingredients the lunch ladies put in the lunch.
Pondering about if they actually cook the lunch or if most of it is 'freeze and heat'.
POndering about what to do after lunch.
Pondering getting rice porridge with duck.
Pondering what kind of rice porrige my boyfriend enjoys.
Pondering if I'll actually be hungry later
Writing
Writing about silly characters for series that are already made up.
Writing about what to do with the characters.
Writing about my own chracters and thier own problems.
Writing about what I'm supposed to do for home work.
Writing about my family and thier shitty life.
Writing about my friends and thier seemingly perfect lives.
Writing about what I think my life should be like.
Writing about interactions with made up characters.
Talking
Talking about crappy politics.
talking quietly so no one hears.
Talking loudly but still no one hears.
Talking because I just want to.
Talking about work.
Talking because its too quiet.
talking beause.
Thinking
THinking about boyfriend.
Thinking about life.
THinking baout how to get through shitty cramps.
Thinking about health.
Thinking about my mother.
THinking of good ideas.
THinking of bad ideas.
Thinking because I need a plot.
Thinking so I can narrorate my life.

Who isn't angry?

I am an angry person…
People do not see it but those who know me know I’m very angry. The reasons for why? There are many reasons: the government with its corrupt ways, the people at school who follow their trends, the school who’s more worried about their cash flow, my family who are driven by drama, my friends who aren’t friends, the people where I live that make fun of me being me. [I’m sick and tired of people doing that.] I’m angry at the person who calls herself my best friend; I’m never treated like one. I’m angry at the government for trying to take away my house. I’m angry at the blonde who always has to make fun of me for the way I talk and who I am. [There is more to that story but that’s for another time…] I’m angry at one of my friends because he obsesses over my cousin who I know he loves but she won’t open her heart. I’m angry at my cousin who won’t open her heart, people do care but she’s ‘too busy’ to ever give others a second thought. I’m angry at her little sister, who I care for deeply, because when she cries I don’t know what to do and I feel like I can’t help. I’m angry at the blade that cuts my boyfriend even though I love him because he tell me he cuts himself because he cares. I’m angry at the on-off friend I’ve had since Freshman year, there is shit I just don’t want to get pulled into again. I’m angry at my first ex-boyfriend because of what he did to me that one summer day when I had a head cold. I’m angry at the next few guys except the current because they all treated me like an item and not a person. I’m angry at ‘Dog-boy’ because he’s leaving. I’m angry at ‘L’ because I know that I’ll never make it in the manga industry but he will. I’m angry at my teachers who can’t accept my hard work in papers and give me a B while the guy next to me is copying and pasting and they get an A. I’m angry at my aunt who treats me like a secretary or maid. I’m angry at my house mate for not helping my aunt with payments for the house. I’m angry at my father for smoking pot and never being there when I need him and being there when I don’t. I’m angry at my mother for trying to have me conform to a life that was not what I wanted. I’m angry at my parent’s divorce because it was the source of my pain and my mother played it off with a,”your over it right?” I’m angry at my stepfather who constantly makes fun of me for whatever I do but then complains when I actually give my opinion about what he does. I’m angry at the person in the mirror, because they seem so carefree to everyone else around them, no one takes them seriously and they can just love…but most of the time its shot down.

its called switch

today I gave a presentation to a whole bunch of teachers at our school today with some others from the Peer Helping class that I take at school. Well as other presented a found myself chuckling inwardly because it was like a class room. Then I found myself asking if this is what teachers see when they look at us the students. Looking at the clock,doodling in our notebooks,some semi-sleeping others seemed to be spot on the subject and into it. People fidgiting,others leaning over chairs,some writing in others notebooks.
As I thought more and more about it I was surprised. If this is whatteachers saw everyday for 150 or more days a year I was impressed.
But at the same time it waspretty cool because they had to listen wether they wanted to or not.