If you have problem why don't you solve them?I know I can'

I know I can't. There are a many situations in life that bug me. Many a people who bother the shit out of me. Places that rattle the very fiber of my being. But why do I let that bother me? Because I am a person who still has a heart you shit heads! Yea that's right any of you who are reading this know who I'm talking about! It feels as if no matter what I do,there are times people set me up just to get knocked down.

What am I not cool enough to hang out with you on the week ends? Do I not act a certain way so it pertains to your agenda? Do I not care enough to be that shoulder you can cry on?

Apparently not.

I don't like dressing like the other kiddies at school. I don't like the same music as all of you do. I don't eat the same foods nor share al the same ideas. And when I speak up,I get ignored.

Like always.

All I can say is 'FUCK YOU!' to the people to their face or as they turn away.

Its because of how they blow me off so concerned about their lives makes me think that I'm a shitty friend.

Pondering

Pondering
pondering about lunch
pondering about if lunch will be good...
Pondering about what ingredients the lunch ladies put in the lunch.
Pondering about if they actually cook the lunch or if most of it is 'freeze and heat'.
POndering about what to do after lunch.
Pondering getting rice porridge with duck.
Pondering what kind of rice porrige my boyfriend enjoys.
Pondering if I'll actually be hungry later
Writing
Writing about silly characters for series that are already made up.
Writing about what to do with the characters.
Writing about my own chracters and thier own problems.
Writing about what I'm supposed to do for home work.
Writing about my family and thier shitty life.
Writing about my friends and thier seemingly perfect lives.
Writing about what I think my life should be like.
Writing about interactions with made up characters.
Talking
Talking about crappy politics.
talking quietly so no one hears.
Talking loudly but still no one hears.
Talking because I just want to.
Talking about work.
Talking because its too quiet.
talking beause.
Thinking
THinking about boyfriend.
Thinking about life.
THinking baout how to get through shitty cramps.
Thinking about health.
Thinking about my mother.
THinking of good ideas.
THinking of bad ideas.
Thinking because I need a plot.
Thinking so I can narrorate my life.

Who isn't angry?

I am an angry person…
People do not see it but those who know me know I’m very angry. The reasons for why? There are many reasons: the government with its corrupt ways, the people at school who follow their trends, the school who’s more worried about their cash flow, my family who are driven by drama, my friends who aren’t friends, the people where I live that make fun of me being me. [I’m sick and tired of people doing that.] I’m angry at the person who calls herself my best friend; I’m never treated like one. I’m angry at the government for trying to take away my house. I’m angry at the blonde who always has to make fun of me for the way I talk and who I am. [There is more to that story but that’s for another time…] I’m angry at one of my friends because he obsesses over my cousin who I know he loves but she won’t open her heart. I’m angry at my cousin who won’t open her heart, people do care but she’s ‘too busy’ to ever give others a second thought. I’m angry at her little sister, who I care for deeply, because when she cries I don’t know what to do and I feel like I can’t help. I’m angry at the blade that cuts my boyfriend even though I love him because he tell me he cuts himself because he cares. I’m angry at the on-off friend I’ve had since Freshman year, there is shit I just don’t want to get pulled into again. I’m angry at my first ex-boyfriend because of what he did to me that one summer day when I had a head cold. I’m angry at the next few guys except the current because they all treated me like an item and not a person. I’m angry at ‘Dog-boy’ because he’s leaving. I’m angry at ‘L’ because I know that I’ll never make it in the manga industry but he will. I’m angry at my teachers who can’t accept my hard work in papers and give me a B while the guy next to me is copying and pasting and they get an A. I’m angry at my aunt who treats me like a secretary or maid. I’m angry at my house mate for not helping my aunt with payments for the house. I’m angry at my father for smoking pot and never being there when I need him and being there when I don’t. I’m angry at my mother for trying to have me conform to a life that was not what I wanted. I’m angry at my parent’s divorce because it was the source of my pain and my mother played it off with a,”your over it right?” I’m angry at my stepfather who constantly makes fun of me for whatever I do but then complains when I actually give my opinion about what he does. I’m angry at the person in the mirror, because they seem so carefree to everyone else around them, no one takes them seriously and they can just love…but most of the time its shot down.

its called switch

today I gave a presentation to a whole bunch of teachers at our school today with some others from the Peer Helping class that I take at school. Well as other presented a found myself chuckling inwardly because it was like a class room. Then I found myself asking if this is what teachers see when they look at us the students. Looking at the clock,doodling in our notebooks,some semi-sleeping others seemed to be spot on the subject and into it. People fidgiting,others leaning over chairs,some writing in others notebooks.
As I thought more and more about it I was surprised. If this is whatteachers saw everyday for 150 or more days a year I was impressed.
But at the same time it waspretty cool because they had to listen wether they wanted to or not.

the ups and downs

In life there are ups and downs. People who make you feel like you fly high and then there are also the people who shoot you right down. There are times that people and things like this make me so angry!
Today I was so happy,I don't even know why. WEnt to my classes happy and did my work in a happy manner. Once first block ended and i made my way to home room I found out that I was awarded the most artistic at our school! I was so happy. I felt like I was walking on clouds,I hoped that this euphoric feeling wouldn't end-! but it did.
[now mind you I'm changing names because its easier and I dont want people to know whose who]
Walking with my close friend L,he said something that made me do a double take.(he's a very innocent and nice guy never says any cuss words) He and I were talking about the award,I wasso happy not only for myself but also for my friend Robin,she got the 'Most unforgettable award' L mumbled something and I turned my head and asked what he said. "I said that Ako and Jav are douches." I blinked gasped and dragged him to find Robin. I knew it must have been something really serious for L to call someone out of thier name. Oncewe found Robin or other friends were there: Koh and Sash. I told them and they wer eamazed. But eventually we got to the point of the conversation and I asked why he said those words about Ako and Jav. [Ako and Jav have had our ups and downs,and there are certain things that I do not like about them yet I do my best not to call them out of thier name.] "They talked behind your back,when you were given the award both Ako and Jav Commented. Ako saying you draw the same thing and Jav added to the comment." Sash talked about how she'd bitch out Jav but I was just sick and tired of thier shit. I haven't said anything yet but I feel a bit hurt...

THank you life for giving me a bad high yet again!

Its going down the crapper people

the economy, the lives of others, love, smiling, everything.

School, friends, life, living.

People can feel that crunch and we the next generation can see it, everywhere. Life at home is hard. we are loosing our homes. WE cannot live the quality of life that we wanted to! That American dream doesn't exist anymore.

Good education? HAH! WE the teens do what we can,and I am talking about the ones who do not get hundreds of dollars and blow it off on shoes or brand names!

High paying job? YEA RIGHT! if you can even get a job your lucky.

Bountiful food? hell no

I'll show you mine

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours first,lets compare scars and I'll telll you whose is worse." (swing life away by Rise against)

I've come across this thought in my head that everyone on earth hurts for what ever thier reasons are. Starvation,homelessness,depression,not getting that guy or girl,or not being able to have that courage to do something you really wish you can/could do.

Everyone hurts and then everyone one or someone bitch,moans and complains about it. Everyone else's hurt is more important then your own,oryour own is more important then everyone else's.

its only a monday and I'm not looking forward to the week...

RIght now I'm sitting in the computer lab at school,typing to no readers or anyone...DOES ANYOONE EVEN BOTHER LOOKING?!

HELLO HELLO HELLO!!!!

...simple minded bastards...

is there anyone out there who even bothers reading the trash,yes I call my own writing trash because I am not a writer,that I write? DOes anyone care about opinion?

see? everyone hurts...

For the first time in a long time I felt scared

but it was not for my own life...it was for someone I cared so deeply about that,right now at thios point,I feel like I would die without them. They've been unable to sleep and eat,thier body rejecting food. that dead chill that ran through the air,I wold not want to feel it again. I dont want it to take this person I care so deeply about away from me.
'it's fine...' he says.
My mind screams,"he only says that when things are not fine!!!"
I ask others for help on what to do cause I can feel myself panicing...
'he'll be ok...'
'he's not you'
'I'm sorry I can't handle this...'
'Please helpme understand....'

If anything happens to him I'll hate the world...
I'll...be unable to say those three words....
please don't leave me...

Delicious Humming to no-one

I've dated some people and had crushes on many

the time I spent with them felt like I dated more and fallen for numerous amounts

each was different,I was sitting in front of my laptop when I thought about all of them(ok not all but the ones I remeber) to now so I typed it down. [I have given them surnames for the sake of people not knowing.If you know me and who they are,go ahead and ask away.]

Chance- first crush, nothing much,last name was after Ketchup

Icy eyes- so handsome,became friends but wished for one kiss,rockstar

The cast-two years of my life wasted on this thing,I have scars from you cause I fought back

Turtle- like a shadow that made me feel like im drowning in luke warm water

INari- best friends,loads of laughing,crushed on for 4 years

Biggy-loving,attentive,hated it,stayed away from others

the Jock-nice body but horrible personality,NEVER AGAIN

string-bean - everlistening guy so sweet,couldnt tell you

Angel- Saves me from myself,I've fallen for you and you returned those feelings,lifted me up and dropped me thousands of feet in the air noth bothering to catch me as I fell.

Giraffe - 4 years of nothing but friendship and how its confusing.

Superman- passionate,just not the right time

I am

I am an item trained to think and feel with other want

but I am not my own being

I can not know what I want nor think about my feeling

I am not free yet

I just want to jump high...

I don't know why but when I woke up this morning I wanted to dance and sing. Maybe this is proof that something in my life will be looking up..I hope...

looking around this site,I fiddled with what i could and told myself,"once i get at least one follower on here I'm going to start posting pictures from ny deviantart and maybe previews of what I will be posting later..." -nods to self- I must stay positive!

teenage angst

I'm just a teen with hormones,

I'm just a teen going through change,

I'm just a teen almost out of highschool,

I'm just a teen who doesn't understand any life but my own?

I continue to wonder about the world around me

I feel lost and discontent

I feel euphoria and the sense that i could fly

Yet I belive I carry more pain than anyone else

I grow

bitter like tea with out sugar

For the past few days I've felt bitter. Why? Because there are these situations that bother me,people that bother me. Asking me for dating advice,crushes not acknowledging their hurtful words. Me feeling dramatic cause right now in my life I am a teen.

Bitter... cause  I feel pushed aside all the time

bitter cause  I am forgotten or silenced 

BITTER cause it eats away at me. 

I feel like left overs,the last resort,hand me down cause of her.

It bugs me so much that I don't even feel up to going to do what i love...

I feel so bitter and I hate it.

Profanities

I have a funky habit of replacing profanities with other profanities like saying 'cock' instead of  'shit'Well I knocked over my pencils in Spanish today and said 'cock'The girl sitting next to me, Nina, doesn't speak a lot of English. So she asked oh so inncently, "What is 'cock'"I started laughing. I couldn’t even explain to her what I mean to I said 'cock...you know cock. not the rooster kind."' she then looked at blushed and me wide eyed. We both started laughing.

A cloud dweller?

What is a cloud dweller? Anyone can be a cloud dweller,as long as you dream. Like the phrase,"get your head out of the clouds" or how I remember being called a space cadet by my mom growing up. I can never stop dreaming,thinking coming up with ideas,thus making me a cloud dweller. I function normally,but I just think alot. Ponder Possibilities. 

That is a cloud dweller.