True kindness

So tonight I was looking through some pictures and prices for partial fursuits [yes I want to dress like a furry,I am a fox] And I was looking and this photo caught my eye. A man in a dog fursuit next to a girl in a wheel chair. With my intrest peeked I clicked on it,and when people say a picture is worth a thousadn words ,for this I would have to say it was an immense understatement,the smile the girl had for some reason brightened my ever sarcastic heart and I took this picture seriously. [below is the image itself]

I wanted to know more about the image so I went to the artist's comments [because some have huge stories behind a picture] and it made me,in a way, shed happy tears by the time I was done. And the story goes as following [straight from the kind sir's page]

"People have commented that they admire my courage for

fursuiting in public.
I have never felt particularly courageous.
If you want a study in real courage, look no further than Sarah.

Another random fursuit outing found me ambling along the pier,
giving happy paws to the tourists and enjoying the sea breeze.
As the crowds parted to make way for the upright canine, a young
lady in a wheelchair caught my attention.
Unable to speak, or even wave for that matter, she used her beautiful
eyes to lure me over.

She was alone in her chair, body twisted and lacking in coordination,
betraying its owner with a vengeance. She was bereft of speech, couldn't
hold a pen and lacked the motor skills to write if she could, yet when I
held her hand in my paw, her eyes danced. They spoke volumes.

I spent the better part of half an hour in this angel's company.
She felt my claws and leaned her head against my fur.
We watched the throngs hurry past, the waves wash over the shore
and the gulls shriek and take flight.
A peaceful island in a sea of activity.

Eventually, she released my paw and made a motion with her head.
It was time for me to bid farewell.
I gave her shoulder a pat and I saw that terrific smile flash
across her face. I felt calm and blessed by her company.

As I continued up the pier, a women in a grey sweater fell in step
beside me.
"Thank you for spending time with Sarah," she said.
"She really loves dogs but doesn't get the chance to interact
with them very often. A talking dog will be the highlight of her week."

She went on to explain that Sarah was born with cerebral palsy, a condition
that effects how the brain is able to control muscle function.
The kicker is that Sarah's mind is in full swing.
She possess a blooming intellect, but is held hostage by her own body.

Her story is inspiring. Even though she requires care around the clock,
and she is unable to perform the most basic of tasks for herself, she
always finds a way to bring joy to her caregivers.
She will somehow pluck a flower, hide it under her jacket, and present
it at an opportune moment. She gives random kisses and hugs.
Her favorite phrase is "I love you."
She never fails to say thank you with her eyes.

To assert a level of independence over her life, Sarah occasionally
requests to be left alone in a public setting.
Her mom gives her that latitude by watching over her from a safe
distance, ready to intervene should the need arise, but also letting
Sarah exist on her own merits.
Later, she will preserve the moments in a journal, her mom writing
and reading aloud while Sarah directs the words with a nod of her
head or a touch of her hand.

She has been on a train trip across Canada. Hobnobbed with
celebrities. Participated in whale watching excursions.
She has touched so many hearts, including the one beating
inside my fursuit covered chest.

So I went on my way, absorbing hugs and high fives, questions and
pictures, while Sarah sat alone in her wheelchair, a prisoner in her
own body, that amazing smile still dazzling, all but ignored
by her peers.

I think we all know who the brave one is.

I will continue fursuiting because it facilitates truly magical moments
like my meeting with Sarah.
I am a better person/dog because of the brief time I was
granted with her.

If you are lucky enough to have the opportunity to interact with
someone like Sarah, I recommend that you embrace the moment.
You will be come away far richer because of it.

Everyone deserves respect...and the chance to chat with a giant dog."

I hope this makes you smile like I did.

Smokey talks

AS we gathered around the fire we would reminisce,

leaving high school,

what as next for each of us,

our favorite memories,

the here and now,the then and there.

We were laughing as the fire would crackle and roar.

Ash singing my face,smoke making another's eyes burn,yet

it was alright. WE were there.

Smiling laughing,some wishing this summer wouldn't end.

Even as the sun went away in the foggy skied town. As each friend left one by one.

I know in some way the memory wouldn't fade.

The chuckling and the laughs.

I return to my little corner of the earth,smiling. Awaiting tomorrow.

The smell of fire and smoke on my clothes,in my hair and in my hands.

Little thoughts

Little thoughts running through my head,

little thoughts bothering me while I'm resting in bed,

little thoughts itching me through the night,

these little thoughts causing such a bother

IT's NOT RIGHT!!!!

They remind me of the past,

they make me depressed about the future

yet they have me look forward to everything and anything.

I look forward to his smile,but not the people who point and laugh.

Makes me remember the great days that past,and miss the memories made.

But now these little thoughts will slowly fade.

When they know thier deed is done

I know I'll smile and my waiting out has won.

whe I see your smile

I just want to punch you in the face.
that smile that you gave me was full of lies.
The promisees you made ot me were a lie and you know what?
I feel that justice still hasn't been served.
I'm waiting for it to be served to me on a silver platter because your getting away with many injustices. Just you wait...
I'll figure out a way to show others the face,the lies, the cowardice that you showed me and many others you lying cheating snake. your not even worth the title of snake. your a virus, a drug,that infects our systems and cripple us with your words.
Once we,the people you broke up with, get you out of my system there is always some form of curiousity that pulls me back and once again I relapse.
Over and over,making my head spinn like I've been listening to screamo for hours on end and swaying to the music's beats and bangs.
this self-rightious suicide of mine is my own karma coming to bite me in the ass,in some way I've screwed up so bad that I know it came back in the form of you.
God I hate you so much...
that voicein my head screaming more and more 'burn the evidence! BURN IT BURNIT!'

the evidence that you even existed in my life. wh can I not let go? 6 months down the drain and for what? some prissy asian boy who wanted more.

this and that

Its a push and pull syndrome
this give and take that people don't seem to see
An illness called choice that we all suffer from.
There cannot be an in between just a left and right
white and black
good and evil.
What happened to anti-heros and semi-villans?
This feeling called choice that bothers everyone every day to do what is so called 'right' in thier books.
but it is at this point that I ask about what it is that makes choices right and wrong?
is it our morals? our drive? the push of society? What is it ?

humans

humans live
humans love
humans laugh

We cry
We yell
We scream

They learn
They try
They may suceed

Help Us
Reach Us
Hold Us


Sprun them
change them
Harm them

Humans

both good and bad,that little bit of grey area we all question

We change or we stay the same

Closer to maybe our best friend then our own flesh and blood...

Our over thinking driving to our own demise

yet a small child can figure out a simple solution to a huge world wide problem all while the 'adults' never listen

we are our own demise people!
Can you hear me?
Is anyone out there?

700

muliple weeks of working hard
multiple weeks of having to deal with my aunt breathing down my neck
Multiple weeks of scrutinizing critique
multiple weeks of depression
multiple weeks of crying to myself in my room
multiple weeks of hating who i am
multiple weeks of staying up late
multiple weeks of redoing a paper the way my sunt did in college
multiple weeks of not feeling like myself
multiple weeks of more tears
multiple weeks of kissing up to people
multiple weeks of wanting to throw up
multiple weeks of self hate
multiple weeks of sating at myself in the mirror and asking
"WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE WRONG!?"
a day for a dealine
a day for sleep
a day to try and smile
a day to ruin it all
A day to hate the world
a day to cry until all the tears are gone
a day to not want to go home
a day to self blame more
a day to want to jump
a day where I blame myself for everything I've done
A day where i argue with my reflection
a day where I argue with a person who is a father figure
A day where I can't lift my head
a day where i hate
700 points...
700 points
my other paper got more and it was complete shit!
and you sir are not even giving me help!
FUCK YOU
my paper at least deserves over 1400 not 700
2000 points and I worked endlessly to get it just right

Ill

I am ill...

i am sick

ill manner sick in the mind

the fever of madness rises and the thouht of humanity falls

the phlem that is caught in my throat is no more than dissapointment

the shaking in my hands is from fatigue due to school's high standards

the chills in my bones are society's down fall

and the burn in my eyes are because I can't see him

the result is a little thing we all like to call

A COLD

people issues

To be honest I've had them since I started high school. Friend who are not friends, people who make no sense, home room crushes and cafetiria mushes, oops-kind of muddles to hall flooding puddles. ARG!! people stop! look at where we are now: a contradictory phase in our lives! Look around you. Indie is now punk while punk is emo and emo is scene and scene is crunkxcore and wearing some shirt that everyone else is wearing with a shit load of acessories plus random rips makes you indie. IT'S A FUCKING CIRCLE! Hell, half these kids don't even understand thier basic color wheel! If your going to wear a biohazard green don't do higlighter yellow,your going to look like a walking highlighter stain in my eyes,wear a darker pink like magenta or maybe a carrot orange its quite nice.

Your dances to your now hippity hop are URG. Jerking? Tutting? what are we mastrubating and or appreciating egyptian culture? Turfing? Last time I checked turf was artificial grass. Plus half you people don't appreciate some of the classics my father would always talk about,same for music.

You...you all can suck a shrew because many know its true. I'll walk down the hall and see gaddamn twilighters looking at some person who appreciates vampyre culture and say,'what a poser.' A guy walking down the hall with a shirt that says,"I'm a furry!" and I know I glare and say,"thats advertisement." Some chick will wear some new skirt and all the others will say,'what a whore' while the guys see thier buddy with some new girl on his arm and their like,"you player." HEck half of you people at school can't even remeber a name,my common name is 'Tail" what am I a sonic character?

Jane Wagner and Lily Tomlin is the best example to use here,she said it the best in her play 'The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe' as Trudy the crazy bag lady:

Here I am,
standing on the corner of "Walk, Don't Walk,"
waiting for these aliens from outer space to show up.
I call that crazy don't you. They're late as usual.
My space chums say they're learning so much about us.
They said to me, "Trudy, the human mind is so-o-o strange."
We think so different.
They find it hard to grasp some things that come easy to us,
because they simply don't have our frame of reference.

I show'em this can of Campbell's tomato soup.
I say,
"This is soup".
Then I show'em a picture of Andy Warhol's painting
of a can of Campbell's tomato soup. I say,
"This is art."

"This is soup."

"And this is art."

Then I shuffle the two behind my back.

Now what is this?

No.
this is soup and this is art!

I dread having to explain tartar sauce!

this pisses me off about people and it doesn't stop. It continues in the future!

WHOOPITY FREAKIN' DOO

oh yea I got people issues...

If you have problem why don't you solve them?I know I can'

I know I can't. There are a many situations in life that bug me. Many a people who bother the shit out of me. Places that rattle the very fiber of my being. But why do I let that bother me? Because I am a person who still has a heart you shit heads! Yea that's right any of you who are reading this know who I'm talking about! It feels as if no matter what I do,there are times people set me up just to get knocked down.

What am I not cool enough to hang out with you on the week ends? Do I not act a certain way so it pertains to your agenda? Do I not care enough to be that shoulder you can cry on?

Apparently not.

I don't like dressing like the other kiddies at school. I don't like the same music as all of you do. I don't eat the same foods nor share al the same ideas. And when I speak up,I get ignored.

Like always.

All I can say is 'FUCK YOU!' to the people to their face or as they turn away.

Its because of how they blow me off so concerned about their lives makes me think that I'm a shitty friend.

Pondering

Pondering
pondering about lunch
pondering about if lunch will be good...
Pondering about what ingredients the lunch ladies put in the lunch.
Pondering about if they actually cook the lunch or if most of it is 'freeze and heat'.
POndering about what to do after lunch.
Pondering getting rice porridge with duck.
Pondering what kind of rice porrige my boyfriend enjoys.
Pondering if I'll actually be hungry later
Writing
Writing about silly characters for series that are already made up.
Writing about what to do with the characters.
Writing about my own chracters and thier own problems.
Writing about what I'm supposed to do for home work.
Writing about my family and thier shitty life.
Writing about my friends and thier seemingly perfect lives.
Writing about what I think my life should be like.
Writing about interactions with made up characters.
Talking
Talking about crappy politics.
talking quietly so no one hears.
Talking loudly but still no one hears.
Talking because I just want to.
Talking about work.
Talking because its too quiet.
talking beause.
Thinking
THinking about boyfriend.
Thinking about life.
THinking baout how to get through shitty cramps.
Thinking about health.
Thinking about my mother.
THinking of good ideas.
THinking of bad ideas.
Thinking because I need a plot.
Thinking so I can narrorate my life.

Who isn't angry?

I am an angry person…
People do not see it but those who know me know I’m very angry. The reasons for why? There are many reasons: the government with its corrupt ways, the people at school who follow their trends, the school who’s more worried about their cash flow, my family who are driven by drama, my friends who aren’t friends, the people where I live that make fun of me being me. [I’m sick and tired of people doing that.] I’m angry at the person who calls herself my best friend; I’m never treated like one. I’m angry at the government for trying to take away my house. I’m angry at the blonde who always has to make fun of me for the way I talk and who I am. [There is more to that story but that’s for another time…] I’m angry at one of my friends because he obsesses over my cousin who I know he loves but she won’t open her heart. I’m angry at my cousin who won’t open her heart, people do care but she’s ‘too busy’ to ever give others a second thought. I’m angry at her little sister, who I care for deeply, because when she cries I don’t know what to do and I feel like I can’t help. I’m angry at the blade that cuts my boyfriend even though I love him because he tell me he cuts himself because he cares. I’m angry at the on-off friend I’ve had since Freshman year, there is shit I just don’t want to get pulled into again. I’m angry at my first ex-boyfriend because of what he did to me that one summer day when I had a head cold. I’m angry at the next few guys except the current because they all treated me like an item and not a person. I’m angry at ‘Dog-boy’ because he’s leaving. I’m angry at ‘L’ because I know that I’ll never make it in the manga industry but he will. I’m angry at my teachers who can’t accept my hard work in papers and give me a B while the guy next to me is copying and pasting and they get an A. I’m angry at my aunt who treats me like a secretary or maid. I’m angry at my house mate for not helping my aunt with payments for the house. I’m angry at my father for smoking pot and never being there when I need him and being there when I don’t. I’m angry at my mother for trying to have me conform to a life that was not what I wanted. I’m angry at my parent’s divorce because it was the source of my pain and my mother played it off with a,”your over it right?” I’m angry at my stepfather who constantly makes fun of me for whatever I do but then complains when I actually give my opinion about what he does. I’m angry at the person in the mirror, because they seem so carefree to everyone else around them, no one takes them seriously and they can just love…but most of the time its shot down.

its called switch

today I gave a presentation to a whole bunch of teachers at our school today with some others from the Peer Helping class that I take at school. Well as other presented a found myself chuckling inwardly because it was like a class room. Then I found myself asking if this is what teachers see when they look at us the students. Looking at the clock,doodling in our notebooks,some semi-sleeping others seemed to be spot on the subject and into it. People fidgiting,others leaning over chairs,some writing in others notebooks.
As I thought more and more about it I was surprised. If this is whatteachers saw everyday for 150 or more days a year I was impressed.
But at the same time it waspretty cool because they had to listen wether they wanted to or not.

the ups and downs

In life there are ups and downs. People who make you feel like you fly high and then there are also the people who shoot you right down. There are times that people and things like this make me so angry!
Today I was so happy,I don't even know why. WEnt to my classes happy and did my work in a happy manner. Once first block ended and i made my way to home room I found out that I was awarded the most artistic at our school! I was so happy. I felt like I was walking on clouds,I hoped that this euphoric feeling wouldn't end-! but it did.
[now mind you I'm changing names because its easier and I dont want people to know whose who]
Walking with my close friend L,he said something that made me do a double take.(he's a very innocent and nice guy never says any cuss words) He and I were talking about the award,I wasso happy not only for myself but also for my friend Robin,she got the 'Most unforgettable award' L mumbled something and I turned my head and asked what he said. "I said that Ako and Jav are douches." I blinked gasped and dragged him to find Robin. I knew it must have been something really serious for L to call someone out of thier name. Oncewe found Robin or other friends were there: Koh and Sash. I told them and they wer eamazed. But eventually we got to the point of the conversation and I asked why he said those words about Ako and Jav. [Ako and Jav have had our ups and downs,and there are certain things that I do not like about them yet I do my best not to call them out of thier name.] "They talked behind your back,when you were given the award both Ako and Jav Commented. Ako saying you draw the same thing and Jav added to the comment." Sash talked about how she'd bitch out Jav but I was just sick and tired of thier shit. I haven't said anything yet but I feel a bit hurt...

THank you life for giving me a bad high yet again!

Its going down the crapper people

the economy, the lives of others, love, smiling, everything.

School, friends, life, living.

People can feel that crunch and we the next generation can see it, everywhere. Life at home is hard. we are loosing our homes. WE cannot live the quality of life that we wanted to! That American dream doesn't exist anymore.

Good education? HAH! WE the teens do what we can,and I am talking about the ones who do not get hundreds of dollars and blow it off on shoes or brand names!

High paying job? YEA RIGHT! if you can even get a job your lucky.

Bountiful food? hell no

I'll show you mine

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours first,lets compare scars and I'll telll you whose is worse." (swing life away by Rise against)

I've come across this thought in my head that everyone on earth hurts for what ever thier reasons are. Starvation,homelessness,depression,not getting that guy or girl,or not being able to have that courage to do something you really wish you can/could do.

Everyone hurts and then everyone one or someone bitch,moans and complains about it. Everyone else's hurt is more important then your own,oryour own is more important then everyone else's.

its only a monday and I'm not looking forward to the week...

RIght now I'm sitting in the computer lab at school,typing to no readers or anyone...DOES ANYOONE EVEN BOTHER LOOKING?!

HELLO HELLO HELLO!!!!

...simple minded bastards...

is there anyone out there who even bothers reading the trash,yes I call my own writing trash because I am not a writer,that I write? DOes anyone care about opinion?

see? everyone hurts...

For the first time in a long time I felt scared

but it was not for my own life...it was for someone I cared so deeply about that,right now at thios point,I feel like I would die without them. They've been unable to sleep and eat,thier body rejecting food. that dead chill that ran through the air,I wold not want to feel it again. I dont want it to take this person I care so deeply about away from me.
'it's fine...' he says.
My mind screams,"he only says that when things are not fine!!!"
I ask others for help on what to do cause I can feel myself panicing...
'he'll be ok...'
'he's not you'
'I'm sorry I can't handle this...'
'Please helpme understand....'

If anything happens to him I'll hate the world...
I'll...be unable to say those three words....
please don't leave me...

Delicious Humming to no-one

I've dated some people and had crushes on many

the time I spent with them felt like I dated more and fallen for numerous amounts

each was different,I was sitting in front of my laptop when I thought about all of them(ok not all but the ones I remeber) to now so I typed it down. [I have given them surnames for the sake of people not knowing.If you know me and who they are,go ahead and ask away.]

Chance- first crush, nothing much,last name was after Ketchup

Icy eyes- so handsome,became friends but wished for one kiss,rockstar

The cast-two years of my life wasted on this thing,I have scars from you cause I fought back

Turtle- like a shadow that made me feel like im drowning in luke warm water

INari- best friends,loads of laughing,crushed on for 4 years

Biggy-loving,attentive,hated it,stayed away from others

the Jock-nice body but horrible personality,NEVER AGAIN

string-bean - everlistening guy so sweet,couldnt tell you

Angel- Saves me from myself,I've fallen for you and you returned those feelings,lifted me up and dropped me thousands of feet in the air noth bothering to catch me as I fell.

Giraffe - 4 years of nothing but friendship and how its confusing.

Superman- passionate,just not the right time

I am

I am an item trained to think and feel with other want

but I am not my own being

I can not know what I want nor think about my feeling

I am not free yet

I just want to jump high...

I don't know why but when I woke up this morning I wanted to dance and sing. Maybe this is proof that something in my life will be looking up..I hope...

looking around this site,I fiddled with what i could and told myself,"once i get at least one follower on here I'm going to start posting pictures from ny deviantart and maybe previews of what I will be posting later..." -nods to self- I must stay positive!